we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
