Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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