Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
