he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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