a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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