I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
