the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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