She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
