She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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