he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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