That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
