We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
