Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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