That's when you crack a 10am beer
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
