foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
