Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My balls are so social today.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
