no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
