I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
