i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
