that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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