I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
