If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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