Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
