my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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