Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
