Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
