Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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