I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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