This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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