I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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