It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
