when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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