the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
