Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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