the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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