u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
