if i can run in heels then i can drive
i barfeds in our rink
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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