There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
