girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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