I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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