she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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