I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
