The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
