I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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