i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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