this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
