I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
