We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
