porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
