If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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