I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
